I've been married for about 7 years now, and I’m happy, but let's be honest marriage and relationships are tough!
Choosing to live with another person everyday, day in, day out is one of the hardest things I have ever done, that and becoming a mum.
Actually they’re the two hardest things I have ever done and they kind of sit next to each other and overlap don’t they!
'Sometimes I wonder if raising my boys and being single would be easier', because I've constantly got my husbands opinions to take into consideration, he's an individual person he has thoughts and opinions, and quite right to.
But knowing this and fully appreciating it doesn’t always help when we differ in our opinions.
Often through the busyness of family life through the projections of our own ego minds our, own fears, our own sense of internal suffering and our own baggage that we both bring to the relationship, communication can often go down the toilet.
So how do you improve communication, how do you cut through the noise and the fear of self doubt, overwhelm, anger, or the impatience and the frustration that can often occur, so you can learn to hear the other person and bring more calm to your relationships.
It's so easy to get caught up in pointing the finger at your partner only seeing their flaws not their positives, only seeing the fact that they never pick up the laundry off the floor, they never have to sort out the dinner ,or order the food shop. When you're pointing the finger you're not seeing what you're bringing to the table (and we all bring something) You project your internal suffering which derives from the ego mind on to your partner and often they carry the burden of your inner turmoil and stress.
Left unchecked this can cause communication breakdown and your relationship to fracture as you’re kind of using your partner as an emotional punch bag unintentionally of course.
However, having awareness and an understanding that your partner can be your best mirror can be used as a way to spiritually grow. As a spiritual practice it’s called conscious love and it's all about finding the person you love and using the relationship between you to elevate your level of consciousness, and in turn elevate your spiritual growth.
So to bring more calm to your relationship is to realise you’re human and you often forget to see things from the others point of view. It’s easy to get swallowed up by your ego mind, and get caught up in believing the angry fearful thoughts.
But when you learn to see you’re being triggered in some way, and that your partner and loved one has a point of view too, you can cultivate forgiveness and compassion, not just for them but also for what’s triggering you too. Next time you find yourself feeling resentful, taking for granted or angry towards your partner in someway, take a step back, take a breath and first before you re-act, reflect on what’s yours to own emotionally in the situation.
Then choose how to respond to the situation from a place of love, compassion and of course forgiveness. To hear whole post tune in to the podcast episode above.
I hope you find this episode helpful, let me know in the comments below! Or feel free to ask me a question x
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